You can call me Madam Marie...

The shiny, sleepless city of Bangkok has become my second home. I think it’s fair to say that it’s the second home of most Asia-bound travelers, as all (direct) flights originate in Bangkok. So, after Cambodia, back to Bangkok I went. Upon re-entry into Thailand, I had to switch gears, yet again, acclimating back to the fast, furious pace of city life after the rural poverty of Cambodia. I feel as if I almost subconsciously rebelled against all I saw in Cambodia, setting up shop in a nice hotel, making manicure, pedicure, and massage appointments on arrival. When I realized what I was doing, there was a guilty understanding of it, just how easy it was for me to revert back to the material world, but at the same time, I’m not offering false apologies for it.

Bangkok, this time, would be filled with familiarity. First, Carrie and Mark Pastolove were headed to Thailand on vacation, then my travel “mate” (as he says) Adam was meeting back up before concluding his trip and returning to Melbourne. So, whereas, I was a tourist trying desperately to hit all the Bangkok sights in two days time last trip, I was now merely Marie in Bangkok, making dinner plans and having drinks with friends. Kinda fun…strangely familiar. And, for those who know him, BANGKOK with Mark Pastolove??? Who passes THAT up? Well, I had no idea of the kind of night it was going to be. Hilarious is an understatement.

Mark was VERY EAGER to hit the sex clubs of Patpong. I guess, as a guy, it’s a right of passage to experience those kinds of Bangkok nights. So, to Super Pussy we headed: Mark and his two ladies, out on the town. Immediately we’re accosted by a Thai guy sporting a “menu” of the pingpong show acts that read something like this (there were about 3xs the acts listed on the real “menu”, mind you…):

Pussy use chopsticks
Pussy smoke cigarette
Pussy drink soda
Pussy sewing needles
Pussy razor blades
Pussy paper flowers
Pussy open bottle
Pussy ping pong balls

You get the point.

These little laminated 3x5 cards all with the same Pussy Tricks listed. So, we follow Sex Club Thai Guy into Super Pussy, where he tells us that it’s 100 Baht ($2.50 with a beer included) for the show. Ok, cool. We make our way through a black-lit bar with go-go poles on a raised stage in the middle, our teeth and eyeballs glowing fluorescent like a freshman in the cool-guy-with-the-black-lit-room-in-the-dorms (Hey Cohen, 3rd floor, second from corner room, next to Peter’s…sound familiar…?). On the stage are about 10 stretch-marked, NASTY, fat, Thai women in baby-blue and white striped bikinis that are pulled various ways to expose their body parts – a breast here, a pussy there, an ass cheek there. We’re got a bird’s eye view, front row. We’re Pastoloves! These women are slowly making their way around the bar before the show starts massaging the clients, with staccato motions of NO therapeutic measure. Then, as if they’re really worked a sore muscle in any redeeming way, asking “tip, tip?” Relentlessly. I had a woman tell me “You’re so beautiful…..can I have a tip?” I’m like – for SAYING THAT??? Carrie could mindlessly tell me the same thing, should I truly crave the compliment. I mean – it’s amazing how shameless these women are (besides the obvious professional career choice shamelessness). Anyway, as the massages finish, Carrie pulls out her anti-bacterial gel to clean us all off (…as if the AIR wasn’t laced with disease already….), and we proceed to misinterpret that the massages are just frivolous, nothing to do with the show, and give each of our “therapists” 100 Baht. Schmucks. Right there, all the eyes that were watching us branded us tourist assholes (as if the anti-bacterial didn’t give it away), and from that moment on, we were doomed. The show begins, all the stretch-marked miseries on stage pulling razor strings out of the vags, opening bottle caps (YES, I KID YOU NOT….beer bottles popping right off in the clutches of the Thai nether regions!) with their vags, smoking cigarettes with their vags (is there a such thing as catching “pussy cancer” from smoking with yours? Easily the question on everyone’s minds...) At which point, Mark, disgusted beyond belief at the show, gets told that we have to pay 300 Baht. Remember, we’re the schmucks who gave 100 Baht to the masseuses … and now, we get swindled for 300 Baht each. Mark is protesting. The dirty, nasty, bartender is screaming at us, the bouncers (if you will - they are just beefy pock-marked menacing looking women) behind us barring exit. And Mark is FUMING. Just wild with anger that we’re getting taken advantage of and there are no rules here, etc..etc… In theory, I 100% support him, but you’re in SE Asia, everyone gets taken advantage of a little bit here, no? Yes.

We leave and head to grab a beer. Mark is seething, ranting, giving everyone in his sight the finger. As we walk, we’re seeing stray dogs and silhouettes of rats in the shadows, lady boys with their lady boy lovers strolling down the alleys, street elephants being exploited for cash on the roadways, more ping pong promoters doing their ping pong promoting, and all the while, Mark is bemoaning the state of corruption in Bangkok – ]
“I don’t do well with being taken advantage of."
"Oh my fucking god, I just need to go back to my nice hotel, where they say “How are you Mr. Pastolove? Good evening, Mr. Pastolove. Now!!"
"If I were with my friends, it might be different, but I’m with you ladies.”
Carrie and I were peeing in our pants all the while, at Mark’s rile, Mark’s fury, quiet in the knowledge, that we “ladies” had a better Bangkok stomach than our protective man. ;) A night, as I predicted, I will NEVER forget.

After leaving Mark and Carrie to the tamer Chiang Mai, I spent a day running to the sights that I didn’t get to see last time around, and of course, hitting Ko San Road for a little more eye-candy and street vendor pad thai. Getting back to my hotel, ready for a relaxing night, I get online only to realize that relaxing is just not in my Bangkok future. Someone stole my debit card #s and was running around NYC (of all places?!?!?!) hell bent on buying sporting equipment. Modells, Sports Authority, eating (likely picking up the tab, given the bill size…) at a place called Jimmy Jazz (Anyone know it? What’s it like?). Therein, I spent my night on the phone with Chase, tracking all the charges, reissuing a new card to my sister to send to my friend Matt in India (my next stop), canceling accounts that draw from the old #s. I mean…..never a dull moment for me. Even in Asia. NEVER.

Then, since I’m seemingly the madam of Bangkok, Adam arrived, sheepishly wanting to go to the strip clubs, as he hadn’t been on his past visit here, so….back I went. I should charge for my strip club tour services. This time, we found a more legit (ha) place than Super Pussy, lasted the whole show, didn’t get ripped off, and spent the night without incident. Thought, if I never see another Pussy Ping Pong Show again in my life, I’ll be JUST FINE. Promise.

I am now on Koh Tao, the northernmost of the Thai islands located in the Gulf of Thailand. It’s absolutely beautiful here, I finished a book, and am processing all I’ve seen/done in the last 5 weeks, been diving a few times, and feel great. Unluckily, we seem to have caught a monsoon’s wrath for the past two days, rendering me pretty useless being that the island is very primitive, 90% of it lacking 24-hour electricity and hot water. I’m pretty much stuck in my beachfront cottage, listening to the sound of rain beat on my roof while I write and read the hours away.

Am I REALLY complaining? Yeah….not so much.

More soon.

xoxoxo

MAYBE, it was just Bangkok...

Everyone warned me about Bangkok… (except Sarah, yes…)

“Get in, get out.”
“I guess you have to SAY you’ve been to Bangkok, but it sucks.”
“It’s a dirty, gross city. Stay overnight. You’ll hate it.”

In my opinion, they were all wrong. I loved Bangkok. From the minute I landed to the minute I left, I just felt the energy of the city and knew it was going to be a place that worked for me. I actually will get back there a few more times, once before the Thai islands, and then, I fly home from Bangkok. I couldn’t be happier it worked out that way.

Why, you ask? Well, let me tell ya a few things….

Now MAYBE I was just a little tired at the end of Vietnam, you know, working off like one lung and all… MAYBE it was that in 15 degree winds blowing off Momma China in Sapa, I was stuck in a hotel room with no heat for two days and a refilled thermos (yes, a bring- your-coffee-to-work-THERMOS) of hot water to make tea, or MAYBE I’ve decided that my max in ONE country is two weeks. Whatever it is, when I got to Thailand, I felt whole again. Just invigorated and refreshed.

Now, MAYBE part of it could’ve been that my intro to Thailand started off a little more “right” at the Banyan Tree Resort/Spa that I booked on AmEx points to reward myself for successfully ‘fighting the bronchitis.’ MAYBE it was my suite on the 47th floor overlooking the whole city, or possibly, the state-of-the-art gym and spa on the 21st floor WAITING for me to indulge in them. I can’t say that didn’t HELP the situation, but…more than the temporary luxury, I really fell for the people (so sweet and good humored – everyone just laughs at themselves, aiming to please but not killing themselves over being unable) and the culture. From the stewardesses on the Air Asia flights to the taxi drivers, to the street vendors, to the shop owners, all the Thai people are just adorable. Adorable is the right word because they’re tiny and cute and loving. Adorable people, the Thais. And they all evoke this Buddhist, live and let live, aura about them. Very laid back, happy, relaxed people, just loving up the Buddha. Love them.

Then, you knew I was going here, the FOOD.
Ok, I have NO idea what rock I’ve been living under never having been exposed to Thai food. I’m sure at points, because I merely didn’t KNOW what it was all about, I asserted to a good many of you WHY I didn’t like Thai food, assorted made up reasons, all convincing, blah blah blah... (Translation: because I didn’t know it…) Well, while I was happy under my Thai-food-less rock, I’m MUCH happier under my new I eat Thai food rock. OH MY, Pad Thai, spicy beef salad, squid prepared any way, the curries – oh the curries, the soups, the prawns. Coconut, peanut, and cilantro everywhere. And….the chilis. Hollow your head out, burn your stomach apart, chilis. I literally cry through every meal, begging for more spice. I love it. The food is cheap as hell ($.50 from the street vendors, which is the BEST food in Bangkok, bar none), and delicious as anything you’ve ever tasted. I’m hooked.

Then, as previously mentioned, the Thai massage. A most sensual, relaxing, mind-blowing experience. I’ve been in Thailand for 5 days at this point and have already had three massages. Tonight’s was 3 hours with a scrub and a body wrap. I can’t get enough. They’re SOOO good. And, again, cheap. You can get them for as little as $3/hour or as much as $80/hour. It’s wonderful. Because I’m so stressed and all…right. Cherilyn, you would LIVE for them.

Anyway…Bangkok. On first look, a very modern city filled with tall glass and chrome buildings. Thriving Western business logos litter the bill boards, the busy streets are filled with taxis and tourists and tuk tuks by day, and the bustle of the night bazaars selling every knock-off of every item from DVDs to Dior bags to diamonds begs travelers to buy buy buy after the sun goes down! “Pretty lady, you buy now, I give you good price. How much you want to pay?” Looking past the sellers world of Bangkok, you see a city of sex filled with a bit of trash, and a lot of sleaze – the red light district of Patpong where clubs like “Super Pussy” hold court. Ladies holding poles and step-touching to the beat in bikini bottoms and pasties on the stages. More than anything, looking bored as hell. You can catch the women powdering their faces with white face make up to make themselves appear more fair skinned, catering to the Western consumers that raucously loiter in the doorways. You can overhear the haggled deals for “anything goes” being transacted in the glow of the fluorescent lights of the bars. And, it makes your skin crawl. BUT, if you get past all of that (which, by the way, makes for GREAT people watching), Bangkok is also a city of history and Buddhist piety, the Wats of Bangkok rising up against the skyline, mixing old with new, modernity with the culture of an ancient civilization. The result is, as far as I was concerned, a fantastic city with a mix of Thai cultures and traditions, all easy to embrace and interesting to be a part of.

The Wats along the river, which are best viewed by boatride, stopping along the way to walk each wat, are phenomenal. As I made my way through them, I couldn’t help but sing the soundtrack to Aladdin in my head. It’s all like a magical Disney movie. The temples, the colors, the jewels and golds of the architecture, the buddhas, people praying on site, the surrounding grounds, it’s all astounding. Pictures cannot convey these places with accuracy, you have to see them, be inside of them, to get the sense of importance, the sense of worship that the Thai people place above all else. Magnificent. I found myself just wandering around Bangkok for two days, in a dumb stupor, inhaling sights and sounds (and pad thai) at a furious rate. It’s no wonder Thailand claims many off the Khao San Road backpacker circuit (a street that is a literal jungle of people under 30, getting dreadlocks, eating street food, walking barefoot and chatting it up with other travelers, buying cheap wears from the boutiques that front the hundreds of hostels that line the street). There’s a reason Thailand is able to mesmerize people. It mesmerized me, for sure.

And that’s only after two nights in Bangkok…I cannot wait to come back. I feel like I just scratched the surface.

More soon from Chiang Mai...

~M

Bangkok, Thai Massage

Speechless perfection....

PS. Thai food, a close second.